Two Years Later


It is 2 years since my last blog post.  I can't believe it has been THAT long.  My oldest is 8 years old now, and my little one is going to be 5 next month.  We dabbled in homeschooling after 3 failed attempts at various schools, and now that we have a routine for the homeschooling, I have to get a job and the kids have to go back to the schooling world.  We are trying to roll with the punches, love what we have and learn from the rest.

I think there is so much to write about, I don't know where to start!  We are in Austin, Tx now and I love the weather, the city, and the people here.  I very much miss our friends in Minneapolis.  The kids are older now, and it is harder to make connections with people when we aren't going to playgroups every day.  There are play groups, but no kids for me to use to encourage my kids into the car.  Meeting new friends isn't enough to motivate them into the car. . . and I tend to be too distracted with looking for a job and keeping the house livable to fight them on going (and there isn't any moms that I am excited to see. . . there are some really awesome people, don't get me wrong, it was just nice to have the known factor or people we already have a connection with).  We did actually go to playgroups all the time when we first got here last May and June, but there were SO many times that we didn't see anyone there that was obviously AP or there was no one at all.  Everyone here looks AP, so it is hard to pin point the "right" group.  By "right", I mean they are expecting us.  Perhaps being in school and having all the school events will allow us to meet some people in the neighborhood.  We are in Barton Hills neighborhood now, though I am going to be moving into an apartment soon.  Jay and I are getting a divorce.  We are getting along fine as friends, but we realized that for many different reasons, we do not work as a married couple (some reasons are not mine to divulge, and others are minor things, that you would think we could work through, but really we have tried).

Less than a month

It has been less than a month since my last post and our world has grown anew. Spring has refreshed our lives and rejuvenated my emotions. OK, well, I guess I should say, some great moments have happened to give me hope that we will all grow to enjoy each others company.

Decker recently had his Spring Concert for school and during the song "Skidamerink", Decker would point to me whenever they sang, "I love you!" And I have it on video, so I can go back to that after one of our fights and remind myself that when he isn't PO'd at me, he does harbor some love for me. Tonight Decker wrote Hannelore a little note that said, "I Love you" on it.

OK, this was good. So, Decker kicked Hannelore in the head. Instead of screaming at him (my first reaction), I listened and found out it was an accident and he was really working hard to get away from her instead of hurting her. So, I acknowledged that and let him know that he was working hard to solve their problems, and hopefully helping him feel proud that he was controlling himself.

Aw, how quickly moods change, lives change, and feelings change. We always say, "oh, it is just a stage, they will outgrow it." When really everything is a stage and it will change in a few minutes. Whether and how often it changes back is what you have to look out for :D

What day is it? What Year?

Wow! It has been a REALLY long time since I last posted!

As of late, I have been mulling over the idea that my son really and truly hates me. I mean he says it a few times a day, we have discussed it and I try to talk about other ways of expressing yourself. But what if he really does mean it? What if he really can't stand to be around me? What then? Where do you go in a relationship after that? He can't brake up with me, he can't just announce that he is leaving and going to live with the neighbor (though he has thought through a few of these options in times of anger). So, today as I was mowing the lawn, I came to terms with this possibility and decided that it is just the way it is, and I can still enjoy him, selfishly. I mean who is stopping me? Only me and my petty desire to be liked!

Well, no more, I say! I will watch him, hug him, kiss him, and tell him I love him, even AND especially when he is mad at me. I will still distance myself from the physical damage, but otherwise, he will just have to deal with being loved by someone he can't stand. Knowing how handsome, intelligent, and extremely picky he is, I am sure this will be the first of many times.

Good Night, I am off to snuggle with me kids!

Too Long

OK, so it has been WAY too long since I last posted! We just finished the holiday season and the kids are still in awe of their new toys. Hannelore got a Mr. Potatoe head that she LOVES (yes, my gift ;D) and Decker loves the body 4D puzzles he got (he picked those out of a magazine).

The kids also got to spend 2 nights with Gaga and Dupaw at a hotel. I really enjoyed the sleep and the time with my husband. The second morning that I woke up without them, I was SUPER sad and really missing them. They both had a blast and I look forward to the pictures of their time away. G and D say that Hannelore even slept through the night on the second night! And, yes, I have been thinking about the next time to have that break. :D

This is just the best outfit EVER! Hannelore loves wearing her swimsuit all day everyday, then Gaga sent her a Tiara making kit (so she made the one she is wearing), I had my "fancy" shoes out from an interview the previous evening and baby was scared from a movie, so he needed to be in the Mei Thai. She wore this outfit, shoes included for about 15 minutes. . . then the shoes came off and the baby got to be too heavy. Hannelore is quite a hoot! Now, if I could just get her to sleep through the night, I could stay conscious to enjoy her and Decker.

School Starting

OK, so Decker starts school one week from tomorrow and I can't get motivated to get us on schedule. I am so sleep deprived that I am going to skip my workout tonight and go to bed early, and all I could accomplish today was a little laundry and feeding the kids. Decker is also getting woken up by Hannelore and was cranky all afternoon. At least he gets home early enough from school to spend the cranky part of the day with me :D

I am a little worried about school with all of this. . . how am I going to get both kids ready, Jay's food together, and everyone breakfast all before 7:15am? I know I can start packing a lot of food stuff the night before, etc. but I still don't see us all being ready for the day that quickly, Hannelore usually nurses until 6:30 or 7am.

Well, on a positive note, Decker has been reading me lots of books lately and his confidence is increasing. I also spoke to his teacher and she seems very confident that she will be able to challenge Decker, and that the Montessori system will be just the thing for him. This is what we have heard from other specialists, so I am happy to hear that she is confident and comfortable with the situation. I mentioned his previous temper issues and how they are currently resolved, but we are a little concerned about the possibility of a relapse if he gets too bored ( I didn't say it quite that directly on the phone, more of a -- he used to have this issue, but now I just don't want him to get bored). Anyway, lots of exciting and new things going on. . . I wonder if that is why my period hasn't started yet. I mean, I have been getting 5-6 hours of sleep the last few days (though my period was supposed to start 6 days ago), well, the home pregnancy test was negative, so it must be stress of something. I will get a good nights sleep tonight and I am sure things will start up again tomorrow.

Sun is Awesome!

Life has been pretty good lately, I have been able to sneak in workouts during the day while the kids are playing at the playground. I actually had one person comment on my working out, saying,"If nothing else happens today, you know that you have done something today". I thought that was cool. I was worried that everyone was looking at me like I was a freak (not that such a thing is unusual in my life), but perhaps some of them thought it was a great thing that I was working out there. In the picture here, Hannelore is doing some yoga, she also loves to "wuhrk out".

The kids have been awesome too. I have been wrestling more with Decker and finding games to play with both of them, so they are having an easier time just hanging out at times. It is amazing how great it is to be able to go outside at any moment! I feel that much of the good times and ability to create new games with ease has everything to do with going outside. Whenever the kids are driving me nuts, we go outside. . . I am getting tan quickly this summer, and feeling better because I have somewhere to go when that happens.

The kids are also going to sleep a little easier now, which helps A LOT. . . I have to bike Hannelore around for 30 minutes (which I enjoy) and 20 min of nursing, which is so much better than an hour!